Chapter 35

Chapter 35
How did it ever come to this? I found myself asking, as I sat bored in my music lit. class. I was supposed to be listening to Professor Laurent lecture us about classical theory, but my attention was strayed. Ever since we had returned home, she was all I thought about. My sweet brown eyed angel. Bella. We could have had it all: the perfect relationship, perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect life, perfect everything. All of which was ruined by one simple moment. I kept reminiscing about that dreaded night, thinking of any plausible reasons, why I of all people, was destined for failure. Every time I tried to come up with a rational reason, I just ended up with a headache. It was not my fault, was it? Did I wait too long to push her off me? Did I kiss the woman back? "Did I wait too long to run after Bella? I honestly did not know.
I remember when we first returned home, the tension was so thick between the two of us that you could cut it with a knife. The others stayed out of our way afraid that they might say the wrong thing and cause one of us to blow up. Then we compromised and soon came the dreaded word friend. I have never hated that word so much in my life until now. I often wondered if Bella knew what she did to me. I could barely stand to be in close proximity with her for more than a couple of minutes, without fighting the urge to jump her and rip every single piece of clothing off her body. Acting as "friends", we had a movie night. It was the first time Bella and I had really interacted since we had returned home. For the majority of that night, I found myself stealing glances at her. Watching her was better than watching the actual movie itself. Every time a funny scene would occur, her face would light up and her eyes would twinkle, or when a sad or serious scene came on the screen, she would tilt her head to the side and bite her lip. I noticed all of these little things about her and she had never looked so beautiful to me than she did at that moment. When that night was finally over and I whispered to her a sullen goodbye, I had found myself up in my room staring up at ceiling with thoughts of her. Sleep definitely did not come easy that night. She left me restless.
Since then, we would casually talk a bit with one another. I enjoyed the time we spent together but I could not fight the feelings I had for her. I still loved her; I would always love her and lately from what I was seeing, Bella did not seem to feel the same towards me. When she had agreed to just being friends she meant just being friends. To fight my conflicting emotions, I decided to come up with a plan. I would still hang out with Bella, but I was going to try to void myself of showing any emotion towards her. I was going to keep my distance, because I knew that I would crumble under pressure if I got too close. I must have not thought out my plan too well, because by ignoring the problem, I had created another. I soon became an emotional wreck and found myself in desperate need of someone or something. That was what led me back to Tanya.
It was a Tuesday, probably one of the only days that I did not see any of my siblings or Bella, since our classes were so closely timed together. I had about thirty minutes until my next class, so I decided to settle down on a bench and read my textbook, so I could get a head start on the lesson we were going to learn about today in class. I had read halfway of the chapter when I felt the presence of someone next to me and I smelt the sweet scent of vanilla and sugar. Only person smelled of those two scents: Tanya.
Tanya was more than the average American girl. She had ice blue eyes, long corn silk hair, and legs for days. Everyone in their right mind would call Tanya beautiful. She was not a timeless beauty like Bella, but she was beautiful nonetheless. She was very attractive. The only thing not attractive about her was her personality and attitude. She was what you would consider a class A bitch. Tanya and I always had a rocky relationship, but that was just the two of us. I was surprised we had even lasted that long with my reputation and hers. We both did things that irritated one another. Her dislike for my family, friends and Bella, and mine for her clinginess and constant whining. We even both had our constant run ins as well. Hers with guys, and mine with girls. We were both considerably jealous. It was actually somewhat funny. No matter what you thought about the whole situation, we were just like one another. A match made in hell. Then for some strange apparent reason we always found some reason to get back together only to break up and make up later. My family wanted an explanation and I could not give them one.
I tried ignoring her at first, but I could feel her gaze on the back of my head. I soon realized it was useless trying to ignore her, so I turned in her direction. She had her legs crossed with her hands clasped in her lap. She had a determined look upon her face.
"What do you want Tanya?" I asked, closing my book settling it down in my bag.
"I want to talk." she said, her blue eyes trained on mine.
"Talk? What if I don't want to talk?" I challenged back. She let out a deep breath before speaking.
"Well then, can you please listen?" she asked me. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep soothing breath.
"Ten minutes." I said and she then proceeded to tell me how sorry she was for the way she acted towards my family and me. She was just jealous and hated feeling like she was of un importance to me. By time she was finished, all I could think was that it was a load of crap. Of all the times to apologize, it is just coincidently after I broke up with Bella.
"Now why should I believe you again?" I asked her. I had not noticed that she was sitting closer to me her thigh now pressing against mine. Her scent was beginning to get to me as I soon found the scent of vanillas and sugar soothing.
"You don't have to. I'm just in need of a friend." she said her blue eyes glistening. I momentarily found myself lost in her eyes before I took a deep breath.
"Fine. I guess I'm in a desperate need of my friend myself." I breathed, as she smiled at me. We actually managed to talk for the rest of my lunch break without irritating each other and I actually found myself enjoying spending time with her. It was nice to see act like an actual human being, not like the cold heartless bitch I perceived her to be. I swore once we finished talking I saw a flash of mahogany hair, but maybe I was mistaken.
The following says went about the same, and I soon found myself anxiously waiting to talk to her again. Call me a masochist if you must, for even engaging with the "enemy" as Alice so puts it. She still could not stand Tanya. It was not like I had feelings for Tanya, because I did not, I just enjoyed her company. I remember when Alice first saw me talking to Tanya; she nearly ripped my head off.
"What the fuck Edward!" she screeched, punching me hard in the arm. Damn that hurt. She always knew just where to hit. I think I felt a lump growing. Alice only ever cursed when something didn't go her way or it involved Tanya. I vote for the second one.
"Damn it Alice, for such a small girl, you punch like a man." I winced rubbing my arm.
"Yeah, and for such a small girl, you know I can beat your ass too. Now care to explain why I saw you and Tanya looking a little too friendly on the bench?" she glared.
"I don't have to explain myself to you." I huffed and walked away, but she grabbed my arm; hard.
"Shit, Alice! What the hell is your problem?" I asked, trying to reel in my temple. Jasper would have my ass, if I ever hurt Alice. Hell I think I might myself if I ever did.
"What's yours? One moment you're all anti-Tanya and the next you're sitting next to her all lovey-dovey. Make up your mind!" she said.
"We're just friends so relax your nerves." I said, shrugging my backpack over my shoulder.
"Like hell I will. Not when it involves my brother and possibly my best friend." she glared, tapping her feet at me her hazel eyes now mostly green. She was still pissed when she was really angry the green would usually overpower the brown in her eyes. Now the question was: What did Tanya have to do with Bella?
"Al, what does this have to do with Bella?" I asked her as she just rolled her eyes at me like it was the most obvious answer in the world."God Edward, you can be so thick. Sometimes I wonder how you even made it into college." she said, as I still looked at her confusedly.
"Damn Edward. There's Bella, then there's Tanya. The good and the ugly. The smart and the stupid. The angel and the devil. Tanya always been the opposite of Bella and always tried to remind us. She despises Bella. Someone you care about. If someone hated one of my friends or family, I wouldn't associate myself with them." she said.
"But this-this is different. This has nothing to do with Bella. We're just friends and that's all." I said, wishing this conversation were over.
"Edward," she said in a now more quiet tone. "I have a bad feeling. I don't think you should trust her. I think she's up to something." Alice said.
"Alice I assure you she's not. If she were, I wouldn't be around her. I know you're just looking out for me and I appreciate it. Thanks for trying to protect me. Love you Ally Bug." I said grabbing her in a hug, kissing the top of her head.
"I love you too, now watch the hair!" she screeched hitting me in the chest as we parted ways to our next class.
I soon found myself distracted by Alice's words. Was there any truth to her words?
Could Tanya be up to something? I hoped I never found out.
The weeks following followed the same fashion. I would hang out with Bella, pushing my feelings aside, and then spend some time with Tanya just enjoying ourselves. When we were in the city, and we couldn't find Bella, it reminded me so much of that night. Searching for countless hours to no use. I couldn't tell you how happy I was when she bumped into me; I feared that I would never see her again. I knew after that night, that no matter what happened between the two of us, I would ensure that she was safe no matter how torturous it may be to me in the process.
I was sitting in my room strumming along on the guitar Bella had purchased for me. I have no received a more sentimental gift in my life. I was just strumming away on a song that popped in my head when I smelled Bella's sweet scent. A scent so much better than Tanya's. When I had opened my eyes, there she was in all of her glorious beauty with a smile upon her face. I set my guitar on the floor and couldn't help but grin back and noticed that she had brought me my favorite sandwich and chips. We ate lunch together and talked about pointless things when I noticed an indecisive look upon her face. It was suddenly quiet and she took a deep breath before speaking.
(A/n: I know you really don't want to reread the argument, but it is essential to the plot, to see things from his point of view. Sorry.)
"Um Edward?" Bella said quietly.
"Yeah Bella?" I said looking at her to continue her sentence.
"So Tanya." She just bluntly said. I looked at her curiously. Her face was furrowed and there was a deep crease upon her forehead, which only showed up when she was thinking too hard.
"What about Tanya?" I said raising an eyebrow at her.
"Specifically, you and Tanya." Bella said, messing with her fingers. I was seriously tired of my family asking me about my relationship with Tanya. It was none of their business.
"Okay we're friends." I said, picking up my guitar strumming a few stray notes.
"May I ask why?" Bella asked. I stopped strumming my guitar. Seriously, if one more person asked me I was going to scream. I had already been bombarded by Emmett and jasper mad that their women were mad. My whole family was Team I Hate Tanya. I wouldn't be surprised if they had it monogrammed upon a shirt. Actually I think Alice, may have a shirt like that. I gave her a simple answer.
"We talked." I simply said, and began plucking a few more notes. I knew I was agitating her because she let out a harsh breath.
"About?" she asked, leaning forward. Her scent distracting my thought process.
"Nothing that concerns you." I harshly said, although I didn't mean it. I just had a headache from all of the Tanya talk.
"Well, sorry. I just wanted to know." Bella said in a somber tone. I looked up to see her beautiful brown eyes well up with tears. I was being an asshole
"Why do you want to know?" I said more quietly, looking at her as she moved about nervously.
"I…don't think you should be friends with her." she stuttered and I found my temper flaring. I was tired of people telling who I should be friends with. All of my anger was beginning to build up and I prayed I didn't blow up at her. My prayers were unanswered.
"Are you serious?" "Really Bella? You are seriously telling me who I should be friends with now, you're unbelievable." I looked at her incuriously as she visibly flinched back from the sound of my voice.
"That's not what I meant and you know it." Bella screeched, a few tears falling from her eyes. I had made her cry; again. I was such an asshole, but I couldn't stop my word vomit.
"Than, tell me Isabella exactly what you are trying to say." I said loudly, causing her to stumble away from me.
"I'm just trying to be a good friend." she whispered and I just shook my head. Assward was already out, might as well as get out all of my frustrations. Unfortunately Bella had to take the brunt of it.
"Out of everything we've been through, you suddenly want to be a good friend?" I retorted, knowing it was a low blow.
"Yeah, especially to asshole like you." she glared at me. I deserved it. I deserved to be hollered at from being such a crappy friend and once lover.
"Well, people change." I answered, staring at anything but her face.
"So you rather hang out with Tanya, than your best friend?" she asked, her breathing heavy and winded.
"My best friend Jasper accepts whatever I do. You on the other hand make things complicated." I growled, and I knew I had hit the nail on the head. I had hit at an all time low. Bella would always be my best friend, but I was having an intense Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde moment. Assward and Edward.
"What is your problem?" She retorted back at me her face flushing an angry shade of red.
"I don't have one, but I know yours. You're just jealous." I said. Where was all of this coming from? I knew she wasn't jealous. I was jealous of her. To go every day happily, not feeling like apart of you was missing.
"Jealous. I'm jealous. Oh Please tell Edward." she said crossing her arms over her chest protectively.
"You're jealous that I'm spending time with Tanya instead of you." I said and she laughed, freaking laughed at me. I wondered where all of this was coming from. I enjoyed the time we spent together even if it were for a couple of minutes.
"Oh, that's priceless. Yeah Edward, I'm so jealous of your relationship with Tanya." Bella said sarcastically as she began pacing the room.
"At least you finally admit to it." I breathed. God, I wished I would shut up.
"For fucking sakes Edward, I was being sarcastic." Bella growled, yeah growled at me. Her eyes were dark and furious. I had never seen her this angry before, not even when I was eight and accidentally ruined her Wuthering Heights book by wasting soda on it.
"She has nothing I want." Bella suddenly answered.
"She's up to something and I don't think you should trust her." she sadly sad rubbing her eyes.
"You see, right there, that is for me to decide not you." Even after all of this. I wished my family had enough faith in me to choose who I wanted to be friends with, even if they were the wrong ones.
"You know what? Go screw yourself, because that's what Tanya's going to do to you, and you know it. I'm tired of explaining myself." Bella suddenly said stumbling over to grab her bag.
"Whatever Bella." I breathed. I waited for her footsteps to leave but they stopped at the door.
"You know what? If I am jealous of anything, it would be the fact that you rather hang around Tanya then me." Bella whispered so quietly, that I almost didn't hear her as she left. I was a jerk. One of the most lowest and dirtiest of them all. I had owed it to myself to never break one thing: Bella's heart and I had failed again.
Three Days. It's been three days, and Bella hasn't spoken to me since. Considering it was hard to avoid one another when our rooms were right beside each other. It was really lonely. Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rose were still gone, and wouldn't return until next week. It was just the two of us, in this large house not speaking to each other. Since our argument I had tried avoiding Tanya, but it was no use. She kept popping up everywhere I went and even showed up to our house, asking if she could come in which I politely declined since Bella was upstairs and would feel uncomfortable if she were around. Alice and Bella's words were fleeting through my mind. Tanya's behavior was shifting a bit, but nothing I would consider possibly de-ranged.
The house was quiet. Too quiet. It was about 11at night; a school night at that and Bella still hadn't returned home. I was feeling a little uneasy. She usually returned home around at 8. Although we weren't speaking to one another it had become sort of a routine to let one another know when we arrived home. Even if we argued, we would still let each other know to ease my worry.
Suddenly my phone began ringing. Hoping it was Bella, I eagerly answered it not bothering to check my caller id and I got the shock of my life when I heard a female's voice.
"Renee?"